First, thank you. You give us one less thing to worry about as we embark on vacation.
Second, I’m sorry. Our dog is sweet and easygoing, but taking care of her requires you enter our house, which means you will see how we really live. I will try my hardest to make the house “presentable” before we leave, but with working, packing, and wrangling children, it’s a crapshoot.
Here a few things to be aware of:
- We will leave our house approximately two hours later than when we say we will. So take your time before you come, or there is a strong possibility you will find someone half-naked and screaming in the hallway.
- The dog food is in the fridge, because our dog thinks she is human. The treats are under the kitchen sink, but her Dingo sticks (try not saying that with an Australian accent) are in the pantry down the hall. I don’t know why everything isn’t in one place. Pretend you’re on a scavenger hunt.
- The kitchen sink will probably have dishes in it. I promise you, it is not as full as it was yesterday, but it hasn’t been empty in nine years. Guess how old my first-born is!
- It is also likely you will find a pair of underwear or a rogue sock in the hallway, an escapee from the laundry pile that I heave down the stairs, sashay across the floor, and kick down the basement stairs. It’s not perfect, but I take pleasure in the process.
- Don’t go in the basement. The stairs are covered in dirty laundry. There is a beer fridge though, so you decide.
- What’s that smell, you ask? Your guess is as good as mine.
- Please feed the fish twice a day. But if one dies while we’re away, please, please do not buy a replacement fish. The kids will be sad for two minutes and then they will ask for a guinea pig.
- The red fish’s tail fell off a month ago. It’s growing back (who knew!), but he still swims a little sideways. I thought you should know.
- Eat whatever you want. Although, I’ve been told our snacks are “too healthy,” so feel free to bring your own junk food (BYOJF) if that’s your thing.
- Don’t go in the playroom. It looks like it’s been tossed by the DEA. Really, all that’s missing are the drugs and a dead hooker.
I think that about covers it. Thanks again and Godspeed.